


Visceral

by dolphineclaye



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, One Shot, Self-Harm, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolphineclaye/pseuds/dolphineclaye
Summary: FINAL EPISODE SPOILERS!!!Zelda hated it. She hated the empty pang in her chest and the heavy sorrow that made every step a tremendous effort. Sabrina was gone.After Sabrina’s death Zelda is overwhelmed by her emotions, and turns to something she promised Hilda she would never do again.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Visceral

**Author's Note:**

> hey!!! so i just finished the final season of caos and all i have to say is what the actual hell. anyway of course i gotta write me some angst, so here we are. also i just love zelda so very much.

Zelda hated it. She hated the empty pang in her chest and the heavy sorrow that made every step a tremendous effort. Sabrina was gone. She had watched as her daughter lay bleeding on that damned table, watched and done nothing- or at least not enough- to save her. That sacrifice shouldn’t have been Sabrina’s to make. It was such a heavy burden, something ridiculously awful to bestow upon a child. Zelda herself was hundreds of years old and yet this seventeen-year-old girl was forced to lay down her life. She should’ve had so much more time, time to live and experience life. And yet both Sabrina’s lay in the graveyard only a few feet from their front door. It made Zelda want to vomit. 

Her hands had taken to a perpetual tremor, ever so slightly shaking- constantly. At first she had tried to ignore it, but one morning while reading the paper Zelda picked up a cigarette and her holder, and began to slip the ring onto her finger. Before she could however, her shaking hand dropped it, and it fell first onto the table and then the floor with a noisy clatter. 

“Damn it!”, she yelled in frustration, and slammed her offensive hands onto the table.

Hilda yelped in surprise and Ambrose jumped in his chair. 

Bending down, Zelda picked the cigarette holder up off of the floor and once she stood back up muttered, “Sorry.”

She stopped smoking after that. 

She stopped doing most things, actually. She would sit indoors, never on the porch anymore, alone at the kitchen table with Vinegar Tom in his bed, doing completely nothing. Hilda had tried to get her to talk, to talk about Sabrina, but Zelda halted that at once.

“Remember how she used to stand on her tippy toes trying to sneak another biscuit off the bench,” Hilda said one afternoon, smiling, “We had to put a charm on the plates to make sure she couldn’t get them.” She chuckled. 

“Hilda please,” Zelda said, her voice cold and hard, “I didn’t sit alone with the intention to suffer your incessant talking.”

Her sister bit her lip and mumbled an apology, then left Zelda alone. Zelda sighed and scrunched her eyes closed. She hadn’t meant to be so cruel towards Hilda, that was something her sister didn’t deserve. But she simply couldn’t stand to hear about Sabrina, about all the things Sabrina did and all the things she was. Zelda couldn’t stand it because it was almost excruciating to think about the fact that she never would do or be anything else at all. There would be no more opportunities for Zelda to chastise her, or to hear of her silly plans. Most importantly there would be no more opportunities for Zelda to witness the incredible young woman that Sabrina has become. The memories she already had of the astounding girl would have to suffice, but of course they didn’t. 

Zelda would have given anything to hold Sabrina in her arms just once more. 

Ambrose of course tried to find a way to bring her back. He spent weeks in his room and the basement, pouring over books on necromancy, on the resuscitation of celestial descendants, on anything that might help Sabrina. He seemed adamant to keep searching, even though it felt as if he would only ever come up with nothing. 

“I- I just want to visit the Academy, have a look at it’s library,” he said, after resurfacing from his room for the first time in days, rushing towards the door, “I think they might have something that will help with—”

Zelda grabbed her nephews upper arm to stop him from racing out. “Stop it, Ambrose,” she hissed, “Just stop it. Sabrina is dead and there is no way to bring her back. The sooner you accept this, the better.”

She released his arm and stormed out, leaving Ambrose alone in the foyer, staring hopelessly at the floor.

She knew she was hurting them. She knew that every time she snapped or spat a cruel remark she was pushing them further away. It was awful, she was very aware. But she had no idea what else she could do. Everything was just so overwhelming. Every mention of Sabrina, of her as a child or of bringing her back to life, made her throat tighten and her eyes sting. It felt as if someone where crushing her inside out. 

Two months after Sabrina’s death, Zelda sat on her bed, alone. Hilda was at the store with Dr Cee, and Ambrose was helping Prudence with one of the last pieces of Faustus. Zelda held her head in her hands, unable to move. She was in so much emotional pain, she wanted to feel something that was tangible, that was real. Something that would hurt more viscerally and physically than her grief.  
Zelda slowly lifted her head out of her hands, and stared across the room at the flat, black box that she had hidden in the corner. The flat, black box that she had promised Hilda she wouldn’t open ever again. But this was different, this wasn’t a situation they had ever counted on. She had to.

She moved, almost entranced, to the other side of the room and towards the box. Zelda grabbed it and brought it over back to her bed. With those damned shaking hands, she lifted the lid of the box to reveal a black whip nestled inside. 

Zelda had to feel something else. Something painful, but physical. Removing her blouse leaving her in only her bra, Zelda took the whip in her hands and then breathed in deeply. 

Quickly, before she lost her nerve, she cracked it over her shoulder and onto her back. The familiar sudden stinging and burning sensation prickled her back and Zelda almost cried in relief. She did it again, on the other side. The pain flared as the whip hit her skin, then slowly dulled and faded. In those short moments, the only thoughts in her mind, the only thing she could feel, like was the physical pain. It was a twisted solace, she knew, but she could not care less. 

So Zelda continued, eventually crying out as the whip beat down on the tired flesh of her back. The cracking echoed off the walls and soon she lost track of how long she had been sitting there, flinging the whip over her shoulder. She didn’t care. 

“Oh, heaven- Zelda, Zelda hey! No, no, no let’s stop that!”

Zelda bolted upright, her eyes snapping over to her sisters figure rushing towards her. 

“Please, Hildie,” she said, lip quivering and her voice small and quiet, “Please let me.” Tears welled up in her eyes and began to spill down her cheeks. 

“No, Zelds, c’mon. We can’t do that,” Hilda whispered gently, kneeling in front of Zelda, “Here, give me that.”

She carefully pried the whip out from her sisters hands, and placed it on the floor next to her. Hilda then clasped Zelda’s hands in her own, and stared up at her eyes. 

“What are you doing love?”

Zelda let out an ugly barking sob. Her shoulders shook and she felt herself unravel in front of her sister. “Oh Hildie I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “I know I said that I wouldn’t do this anymore but I just- I can’t handle this. Without her I don’t know what to do.”

Hilda clambered onto the bed next to her. “I know, Zelds. Neither do I. But listen hey, Sabrina wouldn’t have wanted this. It would have killed her to see you do this to yourself, alright?” She paused, and shifted closer to her sister. “Next time you want to do this, love, you come to me, mkay? Or Ambrose. You don’t have to tell him what’s going on just talk to him- distract yourself. Please? For me?”

Zelda nodded weakly. “I’m so sorry Hildie.”

“Hey, it’s alright. We have to stick together okay? Help each other. Without her we’ve got to stay close.” Hilda bent over to pick the whip off of the floor. “Now, I’m going to go and get rid of this, and then we’ll clean you right up. Okay?”

Nodding again, Zelda flung her arms around her sister. “Thank you,” she mumbled into her shoulder, “I love you, Hildie.”

“Of course Zelds. I love you too.”


End file.
